


Just The Two Of Them

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Author regrets nothing, Dissociation, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I know how to tag, I'm Sorry Alex, M/M, Panic Attacks, Then It All Goes To Hell, They have fun for a little bit, Waterpark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7361602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander was nervous the entire ride down to New Hampshire, but he couldn’t show it. He knew that John would stop and turn back at even the slightest hint off him changing his mind, but he’d looked so excited when he proposed the idea; looked so hopeful about taking him to his childhood vacation spot that Alex simply hadn’t been able to say no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just The Two Of Them

**Author's Note:**

> A fic with more than 1,500 words, nice. Hope you like it.

                “I made you tea,” John said softly, looking over at the boy who was laying on his bed, obviously pretending to be asleep. Alex opened one eye, turning to look at his boyfriend, signature grin plastered on his face. Unable to help but smile himself, Alexander sat up, stretching as he always did when first waking.

                “Don’t you have work?” Alex asked suddenly, wondering why John was even still at home. He was so used to falling back asleep after kissing him goodbye in the early mornings and waking up again with nobody at his side that this was extremely unexpected.

                “I decided to take the weekend off for once. If we’re being completely honest we’re both highly in need of a break, and before you ask I’ve already contacted Washington, and he says that he agrees with me.”

                Alex broke into a grin at that, excited to spend the weekend with John. Knowing him he already had something planned, and Alexander would probably love it. The only problem was that when John said break he meant it, which meant that his laptop would almost certainly be confiscated. ‘No writing on vacation,’ he had said once. ‘Because writing brings you to work, and work stresses you out, which is the exact opposite of what’s supposed to happen.’ Stubborn as he was, Alex had to agree. Despite his general rule- that he was always right- John Laurens always seemed to be the exception; always seemed to know better.

                “I’d like that,” Alex responded, finally taking his tea so the other could climb into bed beside him. A quick peck on the lips; a sip of tea; a small sigh. And John finally said what he’d been wanting to say.

                “So… my idea was a waterpark,” he began, pausing when he saw his boyfriend’s eyes widen and his small frame recoil back into the bedframe ever so slightly. “Hear me out,” he continued before Alexander could respond. Alex only nodded, not knowing what to say. John should’ve known he didn’t want to go somewhere with that much water. He’d be surrounded, the place was huge, it wouldn’t work. He’d panic… he’d panic and John would be so embarrassed by him he’d leave, but what did he care about John, John didn’t think about him but he loved him; they loved each other, and now his hands were shaking and-

                “Ah!” he exclaimed at the near boiling tea dripping onto his leg, pulling him out of his thoughts for the time being. John immediately took the cup from him and set it on the nightstand, looking concerned.

                “Shit, babe, are you alright?” He asked as Alexander wiped himself down with the corner of his blanket. He only nodded in response, looking at John with what could only be classified as sheer worry, maybe even panic.

                “Alex, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but I was just thinking- what if we hung out there for a bit, maybe went on family rides, like the ones with tubes. You’d be floating the entire time- you wouldn’t even have to swim. It’s just… well, I don’t want you to always be so afraid, I just… I think it would help,” he stuttered out quickly, pausing to think about what he was going to say but otherwise talking at the speed of light, clearly nervous.

                Alexander blinked once before nodding reluctantly. “What if… what if I do freak out… I’d probably embarrass you, I don’t wa-“  
                “Alex. I promise you I won’t be mad if you freak out,” John replied softly, cutting off his rambling as he so often did. They’d talked about it after the first few times he’d done it, because even though it was completely accidental he always felt bad about it, until of course Hamilton had told him that it was okay, told him that it helped because he’d often get to worse places of his mind if he was allowed to continue speaking.

                ‘Nobody wants to hear what I hid away so long ago, because as time goes by things only rot and become more disgusting than they were before they were buried,’ Alex had said once, and John had wanted to argue, wanted to tell him that he wanted to hear the secrets Alexander couldn’t let out, but he knew that he’d disagree, he’d only close up more, so John had stayed quiet.

                Alex nodded weakly, picking up the tea with his shaking hands. He sipped it slowly, eyes nearly closed. He said nothing for a while, trying not to think about anything. He knew he would get lost again if he began drifting through his mind so he stayed there, John by his side, saying nothing, thinking nothing, feeling… nothing.

                After a while he set down the cup, now half empty. The older man immediately got up and took it to the kitchen, washing and drying it before heading back. It looked as though Alex hadn’t moved a muscle since John had left, and it pained him to see him like that, eyes staring at nothing, lips twitching in constant thought, as if a silent prayer to a god he didn’t even believe him. What was going on in his brain John would never know. He would never understand the worlds that Alex kept creating and erasing in his mind, but that was okay, because at least he knew his Alex was okay, and that he loved him. If only Alexander could realize how much…

                John Laurens sat down beside his boyfriend, looking at his features. His hair, usually in a ponytail or slicked back with gel was messy and loose, falling around his neck and shoulders. He blinked once at the sudden dip in the bed and turned his head to face John, who was looking like just as much of a mess.

                “Thank you,” he said after a moment, confusing John more than he’d have ever thought was possible with only two randomly placed words. “Thank you for not getting mad… and thank you for trying to help. I’ll go; I’ll try to get better. It’s the least I could do,” he continued, and John was so relieved, and yet so awestruck. He could never get enough of just how much Alex cared, how he could change from a force so passionate it could devour worlds to a child, meek and afraid, hoping not to get abandoned as he had been so long ago. When John first fell in love he made a promise to himself never to let it happen again. He made a promise to never let Alexander feel so helpless, and damn it if he wasn’t going to keep that promise.

                So he kissed him, warm and soft, long and light, pouring as much emotion as he could into the simple touch of lip on lip, skin on skin. A vow. To never let him go. And when he did it was for a few more words, a few more possibilities of better moment together.

                “In that case, we should start packing up.”

**********

                Alexander was nervous the entire ride down to New Hampshire, but he couldn’t show it. He knew that John would stop and turn back at even the slightest hint off him changing his mind, but he’d looked so excited when he proposed the idea; looked so hopeful about taking him to his childhood vacation spot that Alex simply hadn’t been able to say no.

                They arrived at the hotel a few hours later, Alexander with his nose in a book while his boyfriend looked around for a place to park. After what seemed like days of driving in pointless circles Alex finally looked up, a small paper stuck to a post catching his eye. He laughed softly and poked John in the side, causing him to flinch and break out of his focused state in order to look over. Hamilton pointed to the sign, which John then read out loud, “’First and second floors full. Go to hotel entrance for complimentary valet parking…’ Fuck. I knew that.”

                “Sure, sure, of course you did,” came the sarcastic reply as he turned and headed back to the main entrance.

                Half an hour later they were checked into the hotel and unpacking for the trip. Well, it was more John was unpacking while Alexander ranted about how impossibly annoying the concierge who had given them their key was. Someone by the name of… Thomas? John wasn’t really paying too much attention to him.

                He understood, of course, that it was rude to ignore one’s significant other when they speak about something they’re passionate about, but Alex was a different case entirely. It was partially the fact that he was simply an impassioned person, burning through whatever he could. It didn’t help to try to argue, that would only fuel his anger on. Furthermore, this was just something that he did. It helped him to get out everything that he thought. John knew that Alex would practically go insane if he didn’t, it wasn’t very hard to see. He could keep talking forever, even if he knew nobody was listening, even if he knew that his words were being spewed into thin air, being drowned in the background as white noise.

                That was who John was to him at times like those. A pocket of air, left to keep growing as Alexander kept talking, to take in whatever was needed, to let it float around in his brain even if he didn’t truly process what exactly his words were. And that was okay.

                That was okay to him because he knew that Alexander needed it, but most importantly because he knew that at the end of the day Alex loved him. Alexander cared about his thoughts and was always willing to listen. He provided intelligent feedback, and he always seemed to know just what to say, and just when to say it. They had a good system going on; they were truly the dynamic duo.

                They both finished with their tasks at around the same time- Alex with his ranting and John with unpacking and getting ready for bed so that they could get up earlier the next day. The younger man got himself all set and crawled into bed with John a few minutes later.

                He turned over to face him, pressing a small kiss to kiss forehead. They curled up together, Alex’s leg between the two of John’s, and their heads laying just a few inches apart, reveling in the closeness. They fell asleep like that, John first as always, with his steady breathing eventually lulling Alexander to do the same.

 

**********

                Alex woke up with the sun, eyes fluttering open at the sudden intrusion of light from outside the window. He carefully tore himself away from John’s hold, doing his best not to wake him. Despite John’s frequent protests about Alex’s sleeping habits, being an ER nurse meant that he didn’t get much rest himself, so Hamilton did his best to keep him in bed whenever they had vacation days.

                After he was finished getting ready- the process of which consisted of taking a quick shower, brushing his teeth, and putting on swim trunks and a t-shirt- he fell back into bed beside John and opened up his book again. Laurens woke up half an hour later to his boyfriend, who was lying in bed and reading- as always. John got up quietly, somehow managing not to distract Alexander from his book, and went through the same morning routine that Alex had earlier that morning.

                When he was ready he walked up behind him quietly, a small smirk playing on his face. “Boo!” he exclaimed, effectively scaring him enough to nearly fall off the bed.

                “Asshole,” Alex muttered as he sat up to face the other. He only grinned and pecked Alex’s lips, not lingering for nearly enough time for it to be considered a legitimate kiss.

                “Love you too,” John replied playfully, and Alex fell for his bright smile all over again. He looked away in an attempt to avoid blushing, though it seemed John had caught him in the act.

                 “You’re blushing,” John teased, a sing-song-like lilt evident in his voice. His eyes were bright as he spoke, showing off the endless excitement, which, to be completely honest, seemed like it should have been physically bursting out of his small frame. Well, small. John was taller than Alex and certainly more muscular, but given that he was the smallest of their entire friend group that wasn’t really saying much.

                When he finally got up from bed- for the second time that morning- the first thing that Alex did was pull John in for a real kiss, one that he would never have pulled away from if he had his way. Though that was what he felt like with most everything that John did. It was sickeningly cheesy, but he couldn’t exactly control it.

                They packed up a few water bottles, some cash, phones, and two towels into a simple string backpack which John carried despite Alex’s protests and went out, heading down to the main lobby. John turned a corner, moving with such a rapid pace that Alexander actually struggled to keep up with him. His excitement seemed to get bigger the closer they got to their destination, wherever that seemed to be. They finally arrived at a small café set just outside the gym.

                ‘This place has way too much shit for a hotel,’ Alex thought, just as he noticed a sign hanging several feet ahead of him with the word ‘Waterpark’ painted in large letters, as well as an arrow going right to the end of the hall. He turned to John, eyes wide.

                “What the hell kind of place has all this?! I thought the waterpark was gonna be more driving, but no, it’s right here?”

                John only laughed, nodding. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe that’s why the price for the hotel costs so much? It’s because everything is included.”

                Alexander blushed slightly at his lack of realization. “Right yeah… that makes sense,” he muttered, finally walking up to the counter to get his breakfast, which consisted of a large coffee, as always, and a small pastry for the sake of avoiding being chastised by John. The older man got a similar breakfast, and they quickly retired to a small table a few feet away. They made light conversation as they ate, occasionally kissing for nothing but the sake of kissing, and finished up just about twenty minutes later, though neither of them was in any rush for what seemed like the first time in god knows how long.

                After a quick cleanup John led Alex to the entrance of the waterpark, leaving him with a jaw that nearly hit the floor. “Fuck…” he muttered, looking up at the slides and pools. John laughed again, kissing his cheek. “It’s huge,” he added after a second, and he didn’t even notice that his feet were still moving after John’s, who led them to a small patio with a bunch of reclining beach chairs. He set down the string bag and began pulling off his shirt when Alex finally remembered what was actually going on and started to do the same.

                When they were finally set to go, John let Alexander take the first pick. He ended up choosing a short and sweet family ride where they could both go together. They picked up a tube from the bottom of the slide and trudged up the stairs together. As they waited longer and longer Alex got more reluctant to go. John noticed, of course he did, and took his hand from his spot a few steps below him.

                “Alexander. You’ll be okay. It’s just water,” he said softly, yet firm enough that he knew that Alex wouldn’t try to argue. They waited out the rest of the line like that, their fingers intertwined and Alex looking anywhere but the actual slide. When they finally arrived John sat with his back to the bottom of the slide, with Alex facing him. “There. Now you can see me the entire time. Okay?” He said gently, and all Hamilton could do in response was nod silently.

                And then there was a bell, and down they fell. Alexander’s knuckles went white as he gripped the handle, but merely seconds later he was back down in the pool, no longer moving. He scrambled out of the tube ad onto the ground, then broke into a wide grin. “I did it!” He exclaimed, and John smiled brightly, nodding.

                “Yes, baby, you did,” he replied, taking his hand once more. “Let’s do another one?” He offered, and Alex nodded eagerly, picking another slide for them to ride on. This happened a few more times until they finally gave up on climbing up the stairs every time, and headed to the lazy river that ran around the entire park. They got another two-person tube and climbed in, letting the current carry them wherever it wanted.

                Alexander was content in the water, content beside John Laurens, his hand, with its fingers lightly curled into the palm, resting on top of the other, not being held, but touching just enough for him to know that John was there; that John wasn’t going to float away like so many others. The simple touch, the feeling of his palm under his skin was grounding, and John knew that. That was why he didn’t pull away despite being in a relatively uncomfortable position. Alex was closing his eyes and relaxing for what could have been the first time in his life, so damn it if Laurens wasn’t going to do everything in his power to keep him in that state.

                They suddenly passed under a bridge that neither had been expecting, and the lovers were showered with a stream of cold water, effectively bringing the two out of their heads and back into reality. Alex, having been near sleep by the time this happened, nearly jumped out of the tube, and even through John’s apparent need to always keep his boyfriend as happy as he could he laughed softly at how riled up he’d gotten. Alex shot him a fake glare in return, dramatically pouting his lower lip, but soon enough he was laughing as well, unable to hold his gaze for very long.

                “You’re so rude,” he said jokingly, but John shook his head, smiling brightly.

                “Yet you still love me, so frankly I don’t care,” he replied easily, eliciting a groan out of Alexander.

                “I hate you,” Hamilton muttered, just loud enough for the other to hear, but quickly contradicted himself by pressing a soft kiss to John’s lips. John kissed back immediately, melting into him. He knew they were being cliché- hell, they both knew it, but at the moment he didn’t care about anything besides Alex and that he was happy and they were happy and together and even though he was being a cheesy fuck at least he was doing it with his boyfriend.

                They eventually broke apart for air and cruised down the rest of the river in a comfortable silence that was littered with occasional kisses and mindless chatter.

                They kept floating past the exit they’d come in on and into the pool, and the two slid out underneath their tube, leaving it in the pool for someone else to use. Alexander held on to John’s shoulders, and they shared words, feelings, thoughts… and then the waves started up.

                John was, of course, excited, seeing as the wave pool was his favorite part of the park- it reminded him of home, of warm beaches on the shore of South Carolina, of the childhood he once had. He thought Alexander would feel the same, and that was what it looked like at first- his eyes were closed and he moved away from John, letting the waves carry him up and down. It wasn’t until he had a second, third, fourth look that he realized that something was seriously wrong.

 

**

                The waves were getting bigger second by second. But the seconds didn’t feel like seconds the seconds felt like hours, each rise and fall of the water being drawn out, making Alexander hyper-aware of every little thing that was going on. There were people around him, their faces being blurred in and out of vision as he sank under the water, then back over, their voices becoming muffled, then crisp and clear.

                “Yes, the waves are starting!” A voice yelled out, one that probably came from a young girl from the sound of it.

                “I bet I can get down to the ground then back up before another wave comes.” Most likely a teenage boy a bit to his left.

                “Come on, honey, we have to get somewhere more shallow.” A father. A small noise of protest. His daughter.

                Alexander was still there, floating. Feeling the warm water flood through his shirt, his shoes, his pants- no. Wasn’t he in swim trunks? When had he put the rest on? He didn’t know. But he felt it, he felt it rush towards him, soaking him just like it had before.

                And suddenly he stopped hearing the words of the people. No words, only muffled screams, and they stopped moving. He looked at them and they’d stopped moving only floating and… dead. They were dead, because oceans with big waves caused that, they caused floods and death and everybody was quiet and muffled now so they must be dead.

                Alexander was alone, he couldn’t seem to die, but John said he’d felt the same once, yes, he remembered John now, and so if that was true John should be alive and John is loud so he should hear him so why couldn’t he hear him?

                But John didn’t live with him because New York is cold and the water was warm so if it was warm it must have been Nevis but if it was Nevis did he ever move? Did John ever..? He knew it. He knew that it was too good to be true, of course it was, oh god, it must have all been a dream, it had to have been because he was still in Nevis and the water was warm and the waves were on him and then there was a hand but there shouldn’t have been a hand, nobody should be touching him, and it was warm, not cold, not dead, not dead, not dead, not dead.

                The hand was on his shoulder and there was a voice and it was soft, but muffled, but a voice meant consciousness which meant not dead, and Alex could hear it so he wasn’t dead either. Unless it was an angel, it had to be an angel, but he kept his eyes closed because he didn’t want to see that it was also a dream, and that everyone was still dead, but the angel, but…

                The waves were getting smaller now, they were at his knees so maybe the storm was finishing, maybe the angel was saving him but he still didn’t open his eyes, just curled into the angel’s chest, crying softly, or maybe he was sobbing, he didn’t know he couldn’t hear through the ringing and the thunder in his ears.

                Then suddenly he was dry, but he still didn’t dare to open his eyes. The waves were gone but he could still hear them, and he could still hear the ringing and the thunder but he could also feel the angel and he could hear the angel and the angel looked and sounded just a bit like John, but John wasn’t real because John was a dream. Maybe he’d died already, like the rest, and now the angel who brought him to heaven was literally the man of his dreams and that would be nice but now he’d never see his friends again, or what was left of his family and he wasn’t sure he liked that trade. He wasn’t sure of anything.

                But he was slowly coaxed into opening his eyes by the voice that sounded like John’s, and the angel looked like John too and he looked around and he wasn’t in Nevis he was in a waterpark but there were people staring at him so he hid again, feeling ashamed. The angel, or maybe it really was John, spoke to him softly until his eyes were finally open again, but he kept them fixed on the other’s.

                “Your name is Alexander Hamilton. You are in New Hampshire. You are at a waterpark with your boyfriend, John Laurens, who you live with in New York. You just had a panic attack because of the wave pool. Do you understand?” He said, and Alexander nodded because he sounded like he was telling the truth and it worked with his dream which maybe wasn’t a dream after all. He looked around one more time to confirm that they were at a waterpark, but hid his face again when he felt the gaze of the people on him.

                “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t-“ he started, voice thick with tears, but was cut off by John shushing him, his voice soft and gentle.

                “I know you didn’t mean to, and it’s not your fault. Do you want to go back to the hotel room?” he asked softly, and Alex could only nod. He curled further into the other’s chest, and felt himself be picked up and carried back to the hotel, then gently set down in his bed a few moments later. He was still shaking, still unsure of what was going on, still feeling the remnants of his panic attack nesting in his chest.

                John laid down beside him, and Alex curled into him on instinct, pressing their bodies together. John slid an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, holding him close, but not too tight. Just enough for him to feel him there, just enough for him to know he was safe. He didn’t care that it was barely into the afternoon and he wasn’t tired at all, because he knew what dissociative attacks took out of Alexander, and soon enough the man in question was asleep. John knew he couldn’t have fallen asleep even if he’d wanted to because he had to make sure that Alex was okay in case he had another nightmare, as he often did after moments like that. He didn’t care that they both needed to shower because that could wait until Alex was feeling at least a little bit better.

                John was willing to stay there forever, really, curled up with his boyfriend, just to make sure that he was okay, because that was how they thrived. Just the two of them, saving each other, helping each other, loving each other.

Just the two of them, together.             

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I actually kind of like this??  
> I hope you did too. Please please leave comments and feedback, because they are my favorite thing.  
> And DFTBA  
> -H.P.
> 
> Also hmu on tumblr @iwilldevourthebodies and @rentandhamandwickedandlesmis


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